the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
