I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
