sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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