The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
