Im at strip club and am horny
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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