Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
