i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
