i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
