Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
We are all done wearing pants today
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
