Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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