he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
