This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
