not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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