Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Can I color on your dick again?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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