My nipple is on Facebook.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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