Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
