I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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