put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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