My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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