Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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