Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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