You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
