I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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