If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
