as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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