hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
