Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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