i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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