i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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