woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
