do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
