Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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