the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
even my farts smell like vagina
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
