I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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