My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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