pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
