thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
