im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
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