I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
