we made out on top of his cat.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
