He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
