I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
