and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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