were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
