Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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