wat bout pragnant strippers??
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
