I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Banned from zoo.
Again?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
