as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
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