i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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