I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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