I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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