just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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