dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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