I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Welp...herpes.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
