I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
