Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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