For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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