i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
