WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You took a bar mat shot.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
